Dr. Gifford Jones  Bio

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Loneliness, Holiday season

Why Do You Laugh? There Is No One With You.

What prescription could I write to ease this patient’s trouble during the holiday season? I knew that Prozac or St. John’s Wort was not the answer. Nor could any of the other drugs that I normally prescribe ease her suffering. Finally, I realized the best prescription was staring me right in the face. So as she left the office I wrote a few numbers down on my prescription pad. And I hope that some readers will do the same thing. 

What diagnosis did I write in her record? It was “ Loneliness”. I’ve never seen it in the index of any medical textbook. But at this time of year and at other times as well, it’s one of the worst medical problems. This elderly woman had always had a positive outlook on life during previous checkups. But 2008 had been a disastrous year. Early in the year her husband of 40 years had died of cancer after a long illness. Then two months prior to seeing me, her only child had died in a car accident. She had no living relatives. The black night of loneliness had engulfed her.

Every year I see men, women and teens with a variety of medical problems. Some are ailments that can be corrected by surgery. Other diseases are helped by any number of drugs. But, I do not know of any medicine that can cure the feeling of loneliness and despair that accompanied my patient’s loss.

Some philosophers say that man is forever, terribly, utterly alone. Chopin, the great pianist and composer, complained of being “alone, alone, alone”. It is a rare person who goes through life without feeling at some time desperately abandoned.

Some deny loneliness. One man who hated mankind was once found laughing to himself. “Why do you laugh?” he was asked, “There is no one with you”. “That,” he replied, “is just why I do”. But it takes a hardy soul to reject companionship at this time of year. As the Greek philosopher Plato once remarked, “Whoever likes being alone must be either a beast or a God.”

But for most people there’s no denying loneliness. It wraps them like a fog. And during the holiday season distress centers and crisis workers confirm that there’s always an increase in both the number and severity of calls from single depressed individuals. How could it be otherwise? Dante put it as well as anyone else when he wrote, “There is no greater misery than remembering happier times.”

For many, the winter’s holiday season is also a time for reflection, bemoaning dreams that have ended in failure, loved ones no longer sitting around the table. I’m sure this year many families will also be depressed, wondering how they could have suffered such severe financial losses and how it will affect their lives. But they will at least be commiserating with family.

I admit I’m not an expert on loneliness. I’m surrounded by family and friends. The closest I get to loneliness is the solitude of writing this column. It makes me realize that my desk, and sitting alone there for many hours is a good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.

So although the holiday season brings laughter and celebration for many, it is a time of isolation and depression for many others. And it is so easy to forget that these unhappy souls exist, alone at home, while experiencing the joy of our own families.

So what numbers did I write for my lonely patient on my prescription pad? I simply wrote her telephone number to remind me to call her on Christmas day. It was the best prescription I could write and I hope that others who know of her loss will also make sure her telephone rings. Hopefully, readers who know of someone who is lonely will also take the time to place a call.

This year, again, it seems incredible that I have written this column for so many years and that there’s so much suffering still to report.  But once again my best wishes for a happy, healthy holiday. And my thanks for all your letters and e-Mails during the past year. 

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